I have decided that boredom is much worse when I have no money. I am capable of amusing myself with things like reading, watching tv, browsing the internet, reorganizing things, and pretty much everything else one can do alone at home, but now I'm starting to go stir-crazy. Unfortunately, in order to have much fun alone outside my home, I require at least a little bit of money. If I want to have much fun without spending money, I need another person. Since I am unlikely to find someone to "hang out" with, and I hardly have a penny to my name, I suppose I am stuck being bored.
I looked through my cell phone contacts to see if there was ANYONE I could hang out with. I found numbers for my parents, several doctors, local emergency numbers, and 3 people who live too far away to be of any help in this situation. I suppose I'm having a little bit of a pity party at this point, but I'm willing to allow it for a while longer.
On the positive side, I just started taking Concerta yesterday. My mind has less "background noise" and the frequency of reciprocating thoughts has decreased dramatically. Strangely enough, though, it seems to be making me a bit sleepy. I'm not sure how a stimulant can make one sleepy, but I start to feel drowsy an hour or so after taking it and that's when it's supposed to be at its peak! I do feel more calm, though, so the bit of sedation isn't all bad.
I've started using colour contacts to help block some of the light from entering my eyes and bothering me. It seems to be helping a bit and I have noticed that I don't feel as overwhelmed and overstimulated when I go somewhere busy. I'm just using standard plano opaque colour contacts. The centre portion of the contact that is clear is smaller than my usual pupil size, so they really do block some of the light. I wonder if my large pupil size is responsible for my light sensitivity. I'm hoping they'll help with my migraines too, but it's too soon to tell. I am also trying to do my own testing for tinted lenses since Irlen lense testing is WAY too expensive ($800). If only I could figure out which colour and saturation I need, I could get a pair of glasses tinted for $40. If they could prevent my migraines, I would save $40 on painkillers and gravol in less than 6 months!
I am planning to move out (for the first time!) in August and I'm starting to get excited and impatient. I also can't wait to start school in September! There are so many (hopefully) good changes headed my way but I'm having a hard time waiting for them! I already have everything I will need for my apartment, including spices and cleaning products to get me started. I have been teaching myself some of the things related to my college course so I'll be ready. I feel like I'm in limbo right now, just waiting and not really getting anywhere.
I really can't complain, though. My mood has been decent for a few weeks now and I'm feeling pretty good overall. I have had some difficult emotions and thoughts, but I've dealt with them appropriately and it seems to be getting easier to do so. I seem to have increased my distress tolerance and coping skills quite a bit over the past year. Things are pretty good right now and I am even feeling proud of my progress. I suppose I must pay a thank-you to finding the proper diagnosis, the proper combination of medications, training in cognitive behavioural therapy, my aspergian stubbornness, and the support of my case manager.
Lets hope this new-found positivity sticks around!
