Sigh...

I'm not really sure what I'm doing anymore. I feel this overwhelming sense of emptiness, like nothing I've ever felt before. Luckily, the meds I'm taking make me sleep most of the night and day, so I don't have to deal with the feelings for too many hours per day. And I've been drinking to soothe the pain, which makes me sleep more. I just don't know how to handle these feelings without dulling them somewhat. I know it isn't the best thing to do, but what choice do I have? There hasn't been any room on the psych ward during this time, so no help there, and I couldn't get in to see the psychiatrist any earlier. It's like the universe wants me to get so overwhelmed, without any help, that I finally end it.